Extraordinary

There is a part of me that tends to live in the future—to look forward to things that are going to somehow improve.
One of my goals for the new year is to simply live in the moment. To be where I am, and notice the gifts in the present moment. When I remember to do this, it’s funny, but I actually enjoy my life, my work, my friends and family, much more.
My friends Dawn and Greg sent a great card this month with this quote from Frederick Beuchner (one of my favorite writers) on the front:

Listen to your life
See if for the fathomless mystery that it is.
In the boredom and pain of it
no less than in the excitement and gladness:
touch, taste, smell you way to the holy and hidden heart of it
because in the last analysis all moments are key moments,
and life itself is grace.

Inside, they admitted that they were sending a January card since they’d missed sending out Christmas cards. But Greg wrote “I have come to believe that maybe it is the ordinary days that are to be remembered and cherished. The ordinary days that form the foundation of our lives, that forge our character and make up the story that is our life.”

In the traditional Church calendar, certain seasons that fall in between special seasons like Advent or Lent are called simply “ordinary time.”
The bulk of our lives are spent in ordinary time. But if we can begin to see, as Beuchner points out, that “life itself is grace”—then ordinary becomes extraordinary.
When we went to bed last night, it had already snowed about six inches. This morning, the snow was still falling, school was closed. I’ve put in six or seven hours of work today at my desk, but I’m still in my jammies. Gotta love snow days. Really gotta love being able to work from home. And I'm totally grateful I didn't happen to be on a plane today (I flew home from my latest business trip on Tuesday!).
My hubby and kids shoveled our driveway, then helped various neighbors shovel theirs. They went sledding at the hill in the backyard of our school, played with friends.
Here’s some photos of my backyard. (click on each image to see them in better detail) Yeah, that's about a foot of snow on the table. It’s funny, we’ve had several storms this winter, and I keep taking photos. They’re starting to look alike—snow piled on the picnic table and frosting the trees. But even as the snow becomes ordinary, it still looks beautiful. All moments are key moments, every snowfall dresses the world in wonder.

Reader mail

First, I need to apologize for neglecting this blog. I'm working on a book, and my speaking schedule always revs up a bit in the fall.
One such speaking gig was at the MOPS International Convention in Orlando. I taught a workshop there last month. MOPS, you'll recall, sent out a copy of my book Breathe to all of its 110,000 members last May. So all 4400 women at this convention had received a copy--I don't know if they read it. But a number of them had, apparently. Several of them spoke to me during the weekend, and told me, "Your book changed my life."
You know, I have never written a best seller. My income from writing is small. Really. And I am often discouraged by that. But hearing from those readers was, to me, assurance that I am doing what God has called me to do.
This week, just when I really needed some encouragement, I received this e-mail from Darcy, a reader in Connecticut:

“Keri, my husband and I read your book "Breathe: Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life" early this summer while enjoying "down time" with our five-year-old son and two-year-old daughter. We are changed because of it and have entered the first of our numerous school years with NOTHING on the calendar, except for MOPS 2x month.
We believe we are creating space for God to tap us on the shoulder and tell us where to spend our time and energy. We will add activities slowly and prayerfully, but have been so impressed by your words, that we have changed our lifestyle. Thank you for being so bold!”
It’s gratifying to hear that my book has had an impact, and even more gratifying that readers “get it”—that the purpose of clearing your schedule is not just so you can do nothing, but so that you're available to hear God's call and have the time and energy to respond to it. To make concrete changes that say no to a hectic life, so that you can say yes to God, who is ultimately the only one who really changes our lives.

Postmodern parenting

Perhaps one of the most misunderstood words of our day is "postmodern." There are plenty of explanations of this term, and you can google it to your heart's content and find all kinds of different ideas.

But at the surface, break it down. "Post" as a prefix means "after."

The "modern" era was the machine age, an age of rationalism, when people basically believed that our knowlege and powers of rational thought would take us to, as that icon of modernity, Buzz Lightyear, proclaimed, "to infinity and beyond."

So postmodern means "after the modern era." Well, and a whole lot more.

Many conservative people tend to wring their hands a lot about postmodernism, as if it were a religion people sign up for, or a force of evil, like terrorism or oh, say, legalism.

Anyway, the fact is, because we live in the 21st Century, we live in the postmodern era. It is simply an observation about where we find ourselves on the timeline of human history. We live after the modern era, so it is now the post-modern era. Now, the term also encompasses the prevailing thinking of our day. And we can agree or disagree with some of the tenets of post-modernism, or not.

All to say, we have to live in this culture, where people around us often unwittingly ascribe to postmodern ideas. It is still very fluid and changing, which is indeed part of post-modernism--our desire to define things before they have even fully happened.

If we don't want our kids to simply absorb post-modern values by osmosis, we need to understand what those ideas are, and even to discuss them. To be informed and intentional as parents and as people.

As a parent, I want to be relevant and authentic. Writer Mary Demuth has provided a guide to help me achieve both with her new book Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture. I'm honored to be a part of her blog tour this week.

INTERVIEW WITH MARY
Welcome to Deep Breathing for the Soul, Mary. Let's start with an important question: How would you define the term "postmodern"?

Postmodernism is the waiting room between what used to be a modern worldview and what will be. According to several postmodern scholars, we’re in a shift right now, leaving modern ideas behind, but what we are shifting to is not yet fully defined. Postmoderns believe that rationalism and/or more education doesn’t necessarily create a better society. They typically don’t embrace the notion of absolute truth, though they reach for the transcendent. They are skeptical, and often question whether science is something to be embraced or feared.

Okay, how does this intersect with my parenting?

The question for parents is how will we mine the current worldview, even as it shifts? What in it can we embrace as biblical? What is not biblical? What I’ve seen in the church is a fearful adherence to what is familiar. So we cling to modern ideas, even though they may not be biblical and shun postmodern ideas even when they might be biblical. Our children will meet this shifting worldview no matter what our opinion of it is.

So as a mom, what can I do to help my kids?

Become a conversational parent. Talk to your kids. Listen. Share your story.Dare to believe that God has much to teach you through your kids. Be humble enough to learn from them.Create a haven for your kids, an oasis in your home that protects, supports, and gives kids space to be themselves. Take seriously the mandate that you are responsible for the soul-nurturing of your children.Teach your children to joyfully engage their world, while holding tightly to Jesus’ hand. Teaching this comes primarily from modeling it in your own life. Do you engage your neighbors? Are you more interested in God’s kingdom than your own? Admit your failures openly with your children, showing how much you need Jesus to live your daily life. You are the first to admit that being authentic might require a parent to apologize after an angry outburst.

So, authentic parents are real--they don’t always have it all together? We're allowed to make mistakes?

Yep! We are all frail, needy humans. If we present ourselves as perfect parents, never failing, always doing this correctly, we show our children we have no need of Jesus. We also set up a standard of perfection—that to be a Christian, one has to be perfect. This can lead to our children creating elaborate facades or hiding behind masks. I’d rather have my children see that even mommies make mistakes, and we all need Jesus every single day.You talk about the twin values of engagement and purity.

Well, that makes me feel good because my kids are highly aware that their mom is anything but perfect! But tell me more about these ideas of engagement and purity.

Many parents subconsciously believe that true parenting means protection at any cost. when we lived in France, we received a lot of flak for putting our children in French schools because the atmosphere there wasn’t exactly nurturing. Believe me, the decision was excruciating. But through it all, I realized that Jesus calls us all to be engaged in the culture we live in, yet not to be stained by it. That’s the beauty of engagement and purity. Abraham understood this. After God told him to leave everything and venture to a new place, he obeyed: “From there he went on toward the hills east of Bethel and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east. There he built an altar to the LORD and called on the name of the LORD” (Genesis 12:8). Oswald Chambers elaborates: “Bethel is the symbol of communion with God; Ai is the symbol of the world. Abraham pitched his tent between the two.” As parents journeying alongside our children through a postmodern world, this concept of pitching our tent between communion with God and engagement in the world should encourage us.

The book we've been discussing, Authentic Parenting in a Post-Modern Culture, by Mary DeMuth is available now. You can purchase your autographed copy directly from Mary at the link above. I highly recommend that you order it today!

MOPS International sponsors chat about Breathe

Some 110,000 moms around the country received a free copy of my book Breathe: Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life last month, courtesy of my co-publisher, MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers). MOPS sent it, along with MomSense magazine, to all of their members. Since that mailing went out, I've been getting e-mails almost daily from women who tell me how much they enjoy the book. Like this one from Tonya in Byron, IL:

"I just started reading Breathe for a book study with my MOPS group. So far, I LOVE IT!!!!! I think it is just what most of the women in my group need right now. I can't tell you how many times I talk to my fellow mothers and the whole time we just compain about how busy we all are. Most of our children are still young enough that we can set our boundaries now and try to hold onto them. My husband and I have just started attending church after a LONG absense. Strangely, we didn't think we had time to commit to joining a church... however, that should have been one of our top priorities. I have felt God's work in my life a lot lately and bringing this book into my life is just another blessing. Just wanted to share with you that your book has reached out and touched my life. Thank you. Sincerely, Tonya"

Now that people have had a chance to start reading the book, MOPS is sponsoring an on-line discussion group at their website this week.

If you have a question or comment about the book, or you're just thinking about picking up a copy and want to see what the book is about and listen in on a discussion of it, just go to www.mops.org/breathe and you'll see the instructions for how to participate.

If you're a MOPS member and going to the annual convention this September, I hope you'll sign up for the workshop I'm leading there. It's based on my book Oxygen.

Helicopter Parenting

I'm blogging today at www.boomerbabesrock.com/blog, so click on over and check out my post on parents who hover over their children's lives, not just when they're young but even as those children enter the workforce!
Wanting the best for your child doesn't mean we ought to be accompanying them to job fairs, or worse, calling to follow up on their job interviews. But it's happening and causing headaches for human resource professionals everywhere. Read more here.

A mom's work

In this month's issue of my e-zine, Connecting with Keri Wyatt Kent, I wrote about looking for heroes that looked like me. How most of the writers held up as examples to me in college were men. And how I was looking for a hero who looked like me.

Here's an excerpt from my essay:

"This week, the Chicago Tribune Sunday Magazine ran a story about biologist Steve Goodman’s work to catalog and preserve biodiversity in the jungles of Madagascar. The note from the magazine’s editor on the opening page had a profile of the photographer and also the reporter who went into the jungle (risking life and limb) to get the story and photos. The reporter, Laurie Goering, is a mom.
When I saw that, I felt a sense of longing—what if... And then I wondered, who did Laurie Goering look to as a role model? Who told her it was okay to be a foreign correspondent and a mom, both? How come no one told me that?" (click here to read this and other back issues)



I got an e-mail this morning from Laurie Goering, that correspondent. (don' t you just love Google?) She contacted me and said she enjoyed what I'd written. IN her e-mail, she sent me the text of a speech she gave in Chicago last October. (Yes, in case you're wondering: having someone you admire contact you in this way is a trip!) Laurie has two kids, ages one and three. She has simply taken them with her, and with the help of a nanny and a great husband, continued her career. She took her preschoolers with her to Madagascar! She is a hero to me--because she's figured out a way to do the working mom gig on her own terms.

Here are a few excerpts from the speech text she sent me:



WHEN I ARRIVED AT THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE IN 1987 AS AN INTERN NOT LONG OUT OF COLLEGE, I WENT TO SEE THE PAPER'S TOP EDITORS RIGHT AWAY. I EXPLAINED TO THEM THAT SINCE I WAS JUST BACK FROM SOUTH AFRICA, WHERE I'D BEEN DOING SOME FREELANCE WRITING ABOUT APARTHEID AND FINISHING UP A MASTER'S DEGREE IN AFRICAN STUDIES, MY EXPERIENCEQUALIFIED ME TO BE THE PAPER'S AFRICA CORRESPONDENT. THEY NODDED IMPATIENTLY AND I'M SURE LAUGHED A LITTLE LATER, AND THEY TOLD ME TO GO WORK IN THE SUBURBS.

I LIKED THE SUBURBS. I ANGLED TO GET THE SOUTH SUBURBAN BUREAU, WHERE THERE WAS NO EDITOR AND ONLY A COUPLE OF REPORTERS. I WANDERED AROUND ON MY OWN, LOOKING FOR GOOD TALES TO TELL AND GRADUALLY MANAGED TO EXTEND MY BEAT AS FAR AS MISSOURI AND IOWA AND INDIANA. I DIDN'T CALL THE EDITORS MUCH BUT I FILED A FEW GOOD STORIES AND RESISTED ALL OF THE PAPER'S EFFORTS TO LURE ME BACK TO THE CHICAGO OFFICE. IN 1994, AFTER DECIDING I WAS BASICALLY A FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT ALREADY, THE EDITORS RELENTED AND SENT ME TO BRAZIL.

SINCE THEN I'VE HAD A REALLY INTERESTING TIME. I'VE BEEN SHOT AT ON THE WAY TO BAGHDAD, RUN POLICE ROADBLOCKS IN THE IVORY COAST, BEEN ARRESTED IN BOTSWANA, TEARGASSED IN ZIMBABWE, WATCHED A COUP ATTEMPT IN PARAGUAY AND SEEN A MILLION PEOPLE STREAMING OUT OF RWANDA DURING THE GENOCIDE THERE.

ON HAPPIER DAYS I'VE ALSO PADDLED A CANOE DOWN THE FLOODED AMAZON RIVER, SHAKEN NELSON MANDELA'S HAND, CHATTED WITH FIDEL CASTRO, COMPETED IN BARREL RACING AT THE CUBAN RODEO AND DRIVEN A VAN THROUGH AFGHANISTAN AS DELIGHTED LITTLE GIRLS RAN ALONGSIDE YELLING, "A GIRL! A GIRL IS DRIVING!" WOMEN DON'T DRIVE IN AFGHANISTAN, BUT THE DRIVER WAS TIRED AND I FIGURED, WHY NOT? ...

I HAVE TWO YOUNG KIDS, A DAUGHTER WHO'S JUST SHORT OF THREE YEARS OLD AND A SON WHO IS ONE. PLENTY OF PEOPLE TOLD ME THAT MOTHERHOOD AND THIS JOB WERE INCOMPATIBLE, THAT I'D NEVER MANAGE, THAT I'D HATE THE TRAVEL AND BEING AWAY FROM THE KIDS. THEY WERE RIGHT ABOUT THAT LAST PART. SO I'VE JUST TAKEN THE KIDS ALONG.

SINCE SHE WAS CONCEIVED, MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN IN MORE THAN 30 COUNTRIES ON FOUR CONTINENTS AND MY SON'S QUICKLY CATCHING UP.

I'VE BEEN ABLE TO MANAGE IT IN PART BECAUSE I HAVE A WONDERFULLY UNDERSTANDING HUSBAND, TERRIFIC PARENTS-WHO ARE HERE TONIGHT-WHO PUTUP WITH THEIR GRANDCHILDREN BEING 10,000 MILES AWAY, AND THE WORLD'SGREATEST NANNY. WHEN I FLY AROUND AFRICA, THE TRIBUNE BUYS ME A PLANE TICKET, I BUY THE NANNY AND THE KIDS TICKETS AND WHILE I'M OFF DOING INTERVIEWS ALL DAY THEY'RE DOING GREAT THINGS LIKE FEEDING GIRAFFES OR SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN.

EQUALLY IMPORTANT TO MY SUCCESS WITH THIS HAVE BEEN SOME UNBELIEVABLYUNDERSTANDING EDITORS AT THE TRIBUNE, WHO'VE BEEN UNSTINTINGLY SUPPORTIVE AND WHO ACCEPT THAT I CAN'T GO TO BAGHDAD ANYMORE FOR SIX WEEKS AT A TIMEAND THAT BETWEEN 5 P.M. AND 8 P.M. I'M GIVING KIDS BATHS AND FEEDING THEM DINNER AND PUTTING THEM TO BED SO IT MIGHT BE A COUPLE OF HOURS YET BEFORE I GET THAT STORY FILED. I COULDN'T DO THIS JOB WITHOUT THEM AND THEIR UNENDING SUPPORT.

IT'S BEEN EXHAUSTING SOMETIMES BUT THE KIDS HAVE HAD A GREAT TIME. MY DAUGHTER NOW KNOWS HOW TO CLIMB INTO AN AIRPLANE SEAT, FASTEN THE BELT, PUT DOWN THE TRAY TABLE AND WAVE FOR A DRINK. THEY BOTH HAVE PASSPORTS FULL OF VISAS FOR PLACES LIKE SUDAN AND ETHIOPIA AND SENEGAL AND GHANA AND MY DAUGHTER SPEAKS A BIT OF ZULU AND XHOSA. BUT WHAT I LIKE MOST IS THAT THEY'RE GROWING UP CONFIDENT WITH NEW SITUATIONS AND COMFORTABLE WITH NEW PEOPLE.

WHEN I WAS IN A RURAL AREA OF SOUTH AFRICA REPORTING RECENTLY, MY DAUGHTER SPENT THE DAY BAREFOOT, HERDING GOATS WITH THE LOCAL KIDS AND CARRYING FIREWOOD, WHILE MY SON CHASED CHICKENS. I FIGURED IT SURE BEAT DAYCARE.

THE KIDS HAVE MADE ME A BETTER CORRESPONDENT TOO. AFTER YEARS IN A JOB LIKE THIS, SEEING A LOT OF HUMAN SUFFERING, IT'S EASY TO DISTANCE YOURSELF AND BEGIN LOOKING AT PEOPLE AS GOOD LEADS FOR STORIES AND GOOD QUOTES AND GOOD COLOR. BUT WHEN YOU PASSIONATELY, MADLY LOVE YOUR KIDS-AND UNDERSTAND HOW OTHER PEOPLE DO TOO-YOU SEE HUMAN SUFFERING IN A WHOLE DIFFERENT LIGHT.

Okay, isn't she cool?

Now, some of you are maybe wondering, I thought this blog was about how faith impacts real life. So why all this stuff about working moms?

Here's why: God gave each of us passions and dreams--these give us a clue to our calling. Our faith is not just about us, it's about how we impact others. To do work that God calls you to do, to impact the world with truth, that's a spiritual practice. That leads to spiritual fruit: joy.

Every person, regardless of gender, is created in the image of God. As such, they need to be part of a purpose greater than themselves. Because it will test their faith, because it will bring them joy, because it will help others, and lots of other reasons. During certain seasons, for some women, motherhood is enough of a calling. And that's great. But the "mom only" phase of life is short, and making it your sole focus, while an option, is not the only choice.

Women, especially within Christian circles (unfortunately), tend to think their choices are more limited than they really are, although sometimes takes faith to believe that. And even more faith to act on that.

What are you doing today to pursue God's calling? To be all that God made you to be? To let your light shine?
As Marianne Williamson wrote: "We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. ... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Follow Your Passion

I write and speak a lot about living your dreams, seeing your passions as God's calling on your life. I don't talk a whole lot about it at home. Or maybe I do and don't realize it. Maybe I talk about it by doing it--which I think moms can do. Your kids watch how you live your life, and learn a lot more from that, probably, thanthey do from your words.
Anyway, I was looking at my son's American Revolution report. He and a partner created a book, of sorts. He had to write his own bio at the end of it. Here's some of what he wrote about himself:

Aaron ... likes the film series Star Wars and watches it often. He also likes to build with the common building toy Lego’s. Many people think he is a good artist, and he thinks it is his passion. He says his motto is “Follow your passion.”

How many fifth graders do you know that have thought about their life's motto? And to have one like that? Here's a boy steeped in the suburban culture that is all about achievement, mostly in sports. But he's not into sports (except golf). He loves art, he draws every day just for fun. I think for him it's a kind of spiritual practice. He doesn't want to compete, he wants to do what he loves. You can see his artwork in the photo below.
He knows who he is, he follows his passion instead of following the crowd. I feel blessed to be his mom.

Mother's Day gifts

My

kids

with

their

gifts

for

me.

A chore chart may seem like an odd gift, but it's what I asked for. I blogged about this at www.boomerbabesrock.com/blog last week and today, check it out.

My daughter drew up a chart with chores for everyone in the family. I asked my family to create a plan, and implement it, and that's all I wanted for Mother's Day.

My son, the artist, also painted this gorgeous painting for me. My husband bought me roses, which was so sweet. But won't get him out of chore duty. For all of us, it's a learning process. For example, my darling husband learned this week that we own a mop. And need to use it on our white tile floors regularly. Who knew?? Read more by clicking the link above. and if this whole motherhood thing makes you anxious, read my post below.

Chore wars update

As I am negotiating a fairer division of labor at my home, I've been throwing fuel on the fire by reading Judith Warner's excellent social history Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety. It's about how many of us today approach motherhood with "control-freakishness" of frightening proportions. And how our winner-take-all American culture is hurting kids, moms and families.
I recommend this book, even tho, like me, you may not agree with her on every issue (such as abortion--she's in favor of allowing it) . But don't, ahem, throw the baby out with the bathwater. Rather than focus on the one thing you disagree with, see if you have any common ground. She's a very astute observer of culture. And I have to agree with her calls for policy changes that help families. Reading this has helped me understand what I'm up against as a woman and a mom.
It also helps me understand people like the woman who approached me after a speaking gig to talk about the stress of play dates. She described things like running to Whole Foods, blowing her budget on snacks she thought would impress the mom who tended to show up for play dates "wearing a fur vest." The visiting fashionista mom didn't even eat the food. I told this mom to just pull out mac and cheese next time, with no apologies. Next time I run into a stressed-out mom, I'll recommend this book. It really helped me put a frame around motherhood, as I have experienced it both as a mom and as a child.
Tomorrow, check out my own attempts to make my house a more egalitarian place when I post an update to my mother's day saga at www.boomerbabesrock.com/blog.